THE SHALLOW BEING

Often, I sit alone and wonder if, I was meant to do something big in life, to make an impact in the world around me or just live through my life, like any other being just existing for the sake of being alive, because you have been brought into this world and just go with the flow of life as and where it takes you.

As a young girl, I had many dreams and aspirations, to do so many things in life, to make a difference to create something for myself, to carve out a name for myself, turn my name and my presence into a brand of its own, which people would know and acknowledge not because I wore expensive clothes or adorned diamond on my body but because of who I was.

I don’t wish to blame anyone around me, for my failure or for being completely lost in my own life. But I feel betrayed by my own decisions, my decision to get settled, my decision to not work, my decision to get influenced by the words of others, my decision to not prioretise myself but to prioretise those around me who I believed that I loved more than myself. I feel lost, I feel I have been moving in circles for the past years, trying to move forward but instead just circling in the same area again and again and now getting tired of moving at all.

This feeling makes me feel shallow, a person who once dreamt of living a life queen size, impactful and honest in this world full of deceitful people, now wishes to just be capable enough to earn so much that she doesn’t have to wait for her monthly pocket money to fulfil her own wishes and worldly desires. There was a time when I believed that money is not everything. But now after living through life and crying through nights I have understood that money is not just necessary or monetary power but a quotient to measure ones success, which may not be directly proportional to your talent or ethics or values.

MINDFUL, THOUGHTFUL AND THE GLASS HALF-FULL